#my hearts gonna explode outta my chest bro OTL | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

roetrolls · 8 months ago

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:))))) hrgh

ok so not to get too venty on here but

i start my final quarter of college tomorrow w/ my senior film due in 2 months, and my neurologist just upped my steroid dosage which might result in new side effects (or maybe already has? the steroids have already been fucking with my vision but it seems a lil worse and now i think im having trouble falling asleep too) AND im gonna have to deal with infusions during this too :')

o(-< so hrghhhhhhh basically the next 10 weeks are about to be really stressful and i just wanna ask that everybody be patient/gentle with me

#ughhh im so nervous #my hearts gonna explode outta my chest bro OTL #im also trying very hard not to worry about my treatment progress #i trust my neurologist but it is becoming very difficult to leave every appointment with #'i was hoping we'd see more progress by now. im going to up the ante'#ive already progressed so far and would be beyond thrilled if this was the limit #but im scared that if it IS it's gonna take constant work to maintain it #i cant get infusions for the rest of my life #and like #ok so when i started the steroid #i had a bit of a backslide in progress at first #which really scared me #turns out thats normal!#but she didnt warn me #and it turns out. she didnt warn me because.#in the 2000 people she has prescribed this steroid to #i am the only person who had that happen on a dose less than 40mg #so! not normal actually!#and i know bodies are just weird sometimes but that combined with the fact that apparently my case is really stubborn...#o(-< im scared #and the classes i need to graduate arent offered in the summer so if i cant push through them with all of this going on i cant just #drop one then graduate then finish in summer (which they let you do)#puts my head in my hands

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